She's putting the perfect curse on herself

I'm stuck in yet another desperate situation at work.

Another member left the Section and she was the one we recruited before
the last QC operator left. The most annoying thing about it is she left
without a word to me or any of us. That cunning manipulative B**CH!!!

Frankly, I did have some suspicions about her when she kept giving
clashing excuses for her absence or 'emergency leaves' or medical leaves.

1. She had a car but many times when she needed to go out, she'd say
her fiance would come and take her because she didn't have transport.

2. She was absent one day without any information to me despite me
having already told everyone in our Section to do so in any event of
emergency. Her salary was put on-hold and with a grin on her face, she
asked me to sign her unpaid leave application form just so she could get
her salary. There wasn't a trace of guilt on her face. I told her to
apologize to me first if she wanted my signature endorsement. That
incident basically gave me a clear picture of the kind of person she was.

3. She once claimed of having a neck pain which normally resulted from
lack of iodine in the diet but after our clerk enquired with the
industrial nurse, the clinic staff said there was nothing wrong with
her. If any, it was nothing more than normal swollen gum at the back
molar. She went on and managed to get her medical leaves from an outside
doctor regardless.

4. Then, she asked for another leave because she 'needed to send her
cousin to register for college down South'. I had the urge to ask,
"doesn't your cousin have parents or brother and sister?". What business
would a cousin have sending a cousin to register for college? Whose car
would that be to transport the college girl's belongings there? I let
her off but my suspicion was mounting.

5. She texted me for the last time saying she missed her bus and that
she didn't have a car. My colleague said her fiance used the car. Oh, so
the fiance could use the car when she needed it to go to work YET he
could let her have the car to tag along sending her cousin to register
for college? What a load of BS!

Needless to say, she was never seen again after the last BS text to me.
Now, I'm struggling to juggle the bulk load of unfinished job I assigned
to her with my own management assignments. OMG. Not again!

I have always treated my members nice and kind but I will never give
second chances for betrayal. I treat people good and I expect them to
return that. Never mess with my trust!

I remember the last time a girl left my Section without a word leaving
behind her unfinished assignments which I had to settle within TWO days
before presenting them to SONY members. I 'cursed' her real bad, wishing
for something to happen to her to teach her a real lesson. I was taken
aback when a colleague told me months later that the girl was kicked out
of the house by her parents for falling pregnant out of wedlock. I
didn't wish for something THAT bad but I'm glad she finally learned what
it feels like being abandoned when you need help the most.

This latest girl who ran away? I know she's getting married. Let's see.
Marriage. Abandonment. Lying. Cheating. Betrayal of trust. Leaving
without a word. She really is putting the perfect curse on herself. Hah!

How do I know that I'm a Michael Jackson fan?

Michael Jackson 1958 - 2009

The biggest news last month has got to be the passing of one of the world's most loved superstars the King of Pop Michael Jackson.

When a colleague informed me the news, I seriously thought it was one of those jokes people made of him. As the day went on, it started to dawn on me that the news was real this time.

What finally made me want to write about MJ's passing on my blog is when I came across another blog where the author said that with his sudden death, there was also an influx of people claiming to be MJ's fans. Add to that, MJ's CDs sold out in some music stores in this country! The author then questioned whether those people claimed to be his fans just to 'be part of it'. It made me question myself, am I a genuine MJ fan?

So, how do I know that I'm a genuine Michael Jackson fan?

Here's my list:

1. I knew him before Thriller.

2. When I was still a kid in primary school with limited understanding of English, I was already able to sing One Day In Your Life.

3. I could easily cry singing One day In Your Life which I used to sing back to back with Sheena Easton's For Your Eyes Only.

4. I remember being able to pronounce 'boogie' which was the only word I could decipher from Blame It on the Boogie. I would run around phonetically singing it my way :-)

5. I remember the melody of the chorus to Don't Stop Till You Get Enough. I didn't understand a word he was singing of course :-)

6. I even sat in front of the TV with a piece of paper and a pencil when watching Grammys and American Music Award to total up MJ's many award wins for the Thriller album.

7. I waited for days for the world premiere of the music video Bad. Me and my brother made sure that we 'booked' the TV so we wouldn't miss anything. Yes! We watched the entire video with the short movie in the beginning and all.

8. I was actually able to memorize the acapella 'gangsta' adlibs that Michael did with the dancers at the end of the Bad video.

9. People go ga ga over MJ's moonwalking but his dance move that I yearn to learn the most is the Michael Jackson's 'pirrouette' where he would spin around like his feet were surgically attached to skate boots.

10. Many times, when I'm sitting, concentrating on my work etc, I found myself singing Man In the Mirror, the lyrics of which still inspire me to believe that any change one wishes for the world must start with the person him/herself.

11. I have one of his CDs, Bad. Bought it in the UK while I was studying there. Ok, I'm not a very good fan now that I have only 1 CD. Hey, at least I have the CD years before his passing so that technically takes me out of that group of people who bought MJ stuff coz he died.

12. When Jarvis Cocker of Brit band PULP invaded MJ's performance at the Brit Award 1996, I was of course backing up Michael when my buddy and I argued about it. She supported Cocker. Me? I took MJ's side of course :-)

* Jarvis has put the whole episode behind him now and praises MJ for being a musical genius who tragically didn't live up to his 80s heyday.

13. Play any MJ's videos up to Dangerous album, I'll watch them. His work after Dangerous honestly is not as exciting BUT play any of his concert videos, I'll watch them and still go ga ga over his dance pirrouettes, moonwalks, his adlibs of "hee hee" and what seems to sound like "jamone(?)", the Smooth Criminal leaning tower spring back move (genius!) and the guitars (more about this later).

14. When MJ had to go to court, I would always take his side. Hey, one is only guilty when proven guilty and they couldn't prove anything. Besides, people who are willing to take millions of dollars of settlement after claiming of being molested aren't 'victims' to me. Money can't buy dignity. It can buy greed and opportunity.

15. I believe MJ was innocent.

16. I am sad that nobody wanted to talk about what a charitable person MJ was.

17. I still watch all the tributes every channel gave him. No boredom.

18. I know the songs he duetted with Paul McCartney, Rockwell and Saeidah Garrett (his own backup singer)

19. I of course know the THREE metal guitarists he worked with. Eddie Van Halen, Steve Stevens and Slash. It showed how open-minded Michael was and that was why he was the ultimate superstar who managed to cross so many boundaries musically, artistically and socially.

Goodbye Michael.
Thanks for the inspiration and being a big musical part of my childhood.
My personal wish is that you left with the faith and peace you longed for.
Only the Almighty knows.

Seafood Paella and what you see may not what you get

Saw an ad in the paper this morning. Pizza Hut is offering a Mediterranean feast and among the dishes is Seafood Paella.

This is a picture from taste.com.au (click for the recipe). What I thought I would get!

(Photo by by Ben Dearnley & Steve Brown)

The last time I had this dish was in Barcelona, Spain during a class trip. It's been too long, I cannot remember how it really tastes like. I remember not being that nuts about it. So, I decided to try out the one from Pizza Hut for old memories' sake.

So, this is what happened:

What I saw in the ad!

Look at the size of the mussels and the garnishing prawns with the herbs sprinkled on top bringing out the myriads of colours there.
Looks good huh?

What I got!
Look. It was the mussel SHELLS that stick out like TWO sore thumbs.
I couldn't see the garnishing prawns and there wasn't a trace of greens on top, side or under!

Disappointing? Yes.

Taste-wise? First of all, the rice used wasn't the paella short-grained rice. There wasn't enough "fillings" for the price they charged me RM12.90 pre-tax and charges (see above picture). Then, the taste of the dish it self. Now I remember not being too overly excited over it back in Barcelona. Honestly, fried rice is the rice dish for me. This? Hmm...melted cheese on rice just doesn't do it for me. Hey, in fact, I have never come across any paella recipe with cheese in it!

I'm so not ordering this again. Next time, I'll just go for the pasta.

Butter Cheese Cupcakes

I made Butter Cheese Cupcakes last night.

Been wondering what it would taste like when I found the recipe on the Internet. I do not remember which blog it was. Credit to the original recipe owner.


What I like about it is the ingredients are not complicated at all. Only 5 main items.

Butter Cheese Cake

Ingredients:

160g butter
100gm cream cheese
200gm castor sugar
5 eggs
210gm self-raising flour
(vanilla extract optional)

Method:

1. Cream butter till soft.
2. Add cream cheese and beat thoroughly into the butter.
3. Add castor sugar little by little. I used a steel strainer to break down the sugar that had lumped.
4. Add egg one at a time and mix through. I added in a bit of vanilla extract so it wouldn't smell too egg-y.
5. Add the flour through a sifter to reduce lumps.
6. Mix well. I hand-mixed my batter from the start because I was making only 3/5 of the recipe.

My baking time was 20mins at 180deg Celcius in my electric oven. The above amount is enough for an 8" pan.

Mind you, I only heated the oven barely 1 min before popping the cuppies in. Many recipes ask you to heat the oven first before preparing the batter. I'm not too fussy about following recipes strictly. I mean, we can always add more time later if we want browner bakes, can't we?

Btw, talking about 'mixing well', I am now a bit wary about the term as I had bad experiences beating batters 'well'. At the time, I was using all-purpose flour. My cake turned out hard and chewy. So hard that it could be categorized into what my mother would say as, "If you throw this and it hit a dog, the dog will die (of trauma xD)". After some searching on the Internet, some bakers informed that overly beating a batter will develop the gluten in the flour just like making bread. They said that flour needs only to be folded in or mixed lightly. So, that's what happened huh?



I used medium-sized #8 papercup for this particular baking session. I'm not sure what's the grading code for other countries. That's the size written on the label when I bought them from the cake supply shop. The size is about 3cm(height) x 4.5cm (bottom width) x 5.5cm (upper width). I filled the cups up to the max. If you intend to decorate it, better fill in 2/3 cup max. I made these just to eat. So, overflown cuppies were fine.



The verdict?

I love the taste of the cake. The texture was soft and moist enough. Since the cream cheese was not as much as the amount in full-blown cheesecakes, the taste sometimes come across as vanilla cupcakes with very thick soured milk in them. You get the hint of cheesy taste and smell but not that heavy.

I was a bit concerned about the amount of sugar at first but with the cheese and eggs, the sweetness was pretty light. You can certainly frost these cuppies with buttercream. I am not too keen on overly sweet recipes because it will be too overwhelming to decorate with buttercream later. Fresh cream is great tasting but the shelf life is too short.

So, yes. This one may enter my list of "repeat offender".....ha....ha..

The scraps and their last journey on the highway

What a day yesterday!

Spent about 6 hours on the road driving the company's Auto-transmission Nissan Sentra all the way to the South and back. Very nice. Exceeded the speed limit many times. I hope there won't be any 'letter' from the Administration office telling me that I need to pay fines for speeding on the motorway. The last time we went there was in the company's Perodua Myvi. Cute car but not very suitable for long-distance.

Thinking of my predicament regarding the scrap car thingy, it so happened that we managed to pass by not one but TWO trailers with old cars that we assumed to be sent to scrapping centre. In other words, the government would send the fully working ones to some countries where the standard of living are lower than ours. You can always rely on our government on finding ways to extort money from the people.

Saw an old Honda at the back of one trailer. I know that one. Very hard body. Sturdy build. If any of the newers cars hit it, you'll know which one would suffer and which one would get away with some minor scratches. Now, tell me why would anyone in the right mind scrap an engineering wonder like that?

My colleague was like, "One of those could be yours". Yikes! Horror!

Met my old buddy from school who was adamant to give me some durians from her father's yard. The 'King of Fruits'! Told her of my problem and both of us were totally missing brains! None of us remembered that one of her housemates actually renews car insurances as a job. My buddy talked about me to her and the girl said she could do it for me because she has even renewed insurances for 40-yr-old cars!

Anyway, at least I have a backup plan for next year. Good news. I got my insurance renewed yesterday along with the road tax label. So, I can keep myself afloat for the next 12 months.

p/s: So, how were the durians? Yeah, anything to keep my nephews happy.
Thanks mate. Love.

How tiny I am in the hands of the powers-that-be..... :-(

Something happened today that woke me up to the reality of living and how powerless I am.

I got a reminder from the bank to renew my car insurance in March. The deadline is 19 June. So, today I went to the bank as I had always done before to get it renewed.

I was shocked when I was turned down. The reason being my car was too old. To add insult to injury, a FAT lady standing next to me laughed at me like I was some kind of a villager from a remote jungle who had no idea of the world and how it worked. I felt like yelling to her face, "Oy, nobody asked for your opinion, you fat b****h!"

It struck me in the head how naive I am about the grip that the powers-that-be actually have on little people like me.

Last year, when the economy started to go downward, the car sellers started to complain to the government about not making sales and lobbied to have the cruel system of forcing any car older than 15 years to be scrapped. Meaning all car owners in Malaysia would need to replace their car every 15 years regardless how good you take car of the car or how much you love it.

I know there are many people who see cars as 'things'. I'm one of those who don't. I see the car I drive as a reflection of my life and personality. My car is everything that represents me. So what if it's already 17 years old? It's of a much higher quality than many of the newer cars nowadays.

Even at 17 years of age, the body is sturdier than most of the local cars. The dashboard doesn't vibrate 'violently' on rough tracks. It's fuel efficient, smooth and even with its quite expensive spare parts, they last long.

I never thought that the 15-yr car ruling would affect me. They said it's optional. So I guess people like me and lovers of classic cars would be able to continue with our passion. Man, I was so wrong!

If no banks would renew insurance for cars older than 15 years, the owners wouldn't be able to renew the road tax either. Meaning their cars couldn't be legally driven on our roads. So, that's what they meant with 'optional'. You can opt to keep your car but that's all there is to it. You keep the car. Nobody said anything about you being allowed to drive it!

Shocking? Yes. At the moment, I'm very very angry.

How easy for the powers-that-be to sideline me. This is also unfair for lovers of classic cars. Now I know why my father has been keeping his 1978 Mercedez under the roof depreciating and collecting dust. He can't renew the insurance. So, that's why he was so gung-ho about getting another car a couple of years ago.

I am outraged! How unfair this is. Btw, my other dream car is actually the classic Volkswagen Beetle. Great engineering. Super cool design. A head turner anytime. However, if the banks continue to behave this way, believe me they will, then I will never be able to drive one in our country :-(

Finally, the worst nightmare. I might be forced to give up my car T_T

How could they do this to me? That car means the world to me. It holds so many memories. I can't afford to get a new car without letting go of the old one. This is just CRUEL! CRUEL! CRUEL!

Are Engineers becoming extinct here?

Couldn't sleep last night. I didn't realize when I eventually did doze off. I'm still feeling groggy as I'm typing this. Blogging from my office just to keep me awake.

There were so many things going on in my head like flashing lights blinking randomly. "Tossing and turning in my bed" was not a line from a Dokken song.

1. First, it was frigging hot.
2. Second, as it turned out, I'm losing not three but FOUR of my members this month when the last Operator came to me in the late afternoon with a college offer letter in her hand.
3. Third, I saw a picture of someone I talked about before (about starting new and moving on with life) and the image stuck in my head which brought me back to the issue listed as second.

The hot air in my room and just about everywhere in Malaysia right now was drying my throat. As much as I wanted for yesterday's news to not bother me much, it does. The prospect of having only THREE members left in my section terrifies me. Also, it makes me angrier and angrier by the second towards our Management.

For Heaven's sake, we are the Engineering group. We are the heart of the Division's daily operation. What sort of policy is that allowing ONLY Operators to be inducted as members due to cost-cutting? How can a bunch of Operators lead a Division? Would anyone with a modicum of common sense be willing to be led by a team with more than half of its members comprising Operators?

*Not to sound offensive but Operators are only above the Cleaners in the factory hierarchy

My main problem with Operators is how quickly they they leave. Since we started taking Operators last year, I have had SEVEN of them. All sent resignation letters within 6 months. The Management like to take in younger girls. This is where the problem starts as many of them are just girls fresh out of schools waiting for college offers. They're not here for the long run. Engineering is not something you can learn in a day unlike the Production line processes. In the end, it's me and my remaining members being left exhausted, drained off our energies.

I do not think our Management understand what Engineering is all about. Operators are not the level of employees paid to contribute ideas and come up wth action plans and instructions for other employees to execute their tasks correctly.

Operators are employed to be told what to do and that's it.
Engineers are the brainstormers and the ones responsible to ensure that the jobs are done properly.

I wouldn't mind having Operators as my subordinates if I were in charge of straightforward process such as Production or Store. However, Operators are not supposed to be your Engineering reference. HELLO!! Anybody listening?

Is this my prophecy? Becoming extinct? After all, I did call myself a dinosaur and soon to turn to fossils. That soon?

Was that a prophecy?

Came to the office today just to be greeted by the news that a very important member of my Section is resigning today because she has to register for a training course before being inducted into employment by the government.

Oh dear. I just casually mentioned in my previous entry about resignation. "Anyone"? It must be a written prophecy then. So, in effect, I'm losing THREE members this month. This is INSANE!

Why can't the management see this? The Section will be left with only 3 veteran members and an Operator under training. Our clerk has been sort of out of the group when the other clerk left last year. Therefore, I can't really call her our Engineering group clerk anymore.

Must be a prophecy, huh?

BTW, our fallen foremer Manager called alst Friday saying he's opening a food stall in front of his home. He told me that the company was willing to pay him some money before his resignation last week courtesy of the Managing Director in return for his long service. Not much in his opinion but good enough for me as he was able to have a pretty decent capital for a simple food stall.

So, what's MY prophecy then? For me?

This is foreseen........resignation anyone?

The hottest news at work yesterday was my former Manager quitting his job at our sister company down South. Then, he switched off his cellphone for the whole day.

He cited his reason as personal. It's true that he was influenced by family matters. However, deep inside, we all know that he couldn't really stand up on his own down south. Firstly, he had been way too dependent on his subordinates when he was with us. I remember he'd call me out to his desk on average 3 to 5 times before 10am everyday. Secondly, the management there is a mess and they don't have enough manpower in the lower hierarchy. You know, the people who actually do the job. They do have overpaid high-position people though.

I haven't contacted him yet. Maybe let him cool down. I wonder what he's feeling right now.

However, I'm sure it doesn't stray far from this...........

OR at least this

Talking about resignation, TWO of my young subordinates just submitted their resignation forms to me. Well, they're young and still have their lives ahead of them. I wouldn't keep myself here if I were in their shoes either.

Another headache for me. Getting new members and training them again. Is there any training job out there that pays better?

When fan obsession gets too far....the Tom Kaulitz story

First of all, I AM a fan of Tokio Hotel. I like their music the first moment I heard Monsoon and Durch Den Monsun. Then, I began to explore more songs such as Ich Bin Nicht Ich, 1000 Meere, Schrei, Rette Mich and I liked what I heard. They are not the best of musicians, admittedly but musical craftmanship not what they are about. It's about playing music simply because they love it and they are well aware that they cannot please everybody. My favourites are Ich Brech Aus, Hilf Mir Fliegen, Wir Sterben Niemals Aus, In Die Nacht and 1000 Meere. However, I must say that what turns me off a bit sometimes is the crazy obsessed teenies following and screaming everywhere they go.

I also have a soft spot for cutie Tom Kaulitz. What an adorable honeybun. He's incredibly funny. Quieter and more masculine than his twin. Seemingly protective over his brother.

*Pic: Tom at age 15

In the midst of my birthday week, as I was moping for not being remembered, this young man I greatly admire, who is still at the early journey of his life, was faced with a situation that stretched his normally friendly and calm demenour to its limit. That was when he was caught on a gas station CCTV hitting a girl in the face somewhere in the city of Hamburg. Ist Tom Kaulitz ein brutale schlager?(*My not so good German there)

Frankly, it wasn't too shocking for me because if one has seen footages of these boys especially Tom and his twin Bill being mobbed by rabid fans, one can only imagine the kind of "personal space intrusion" that they have to go through everyday. There are footages from fans who hunted them down to their then-school, recording studio, their apartments and even their parents' home. Some of the footages/"paparazzi" shots are not even from fans, just people who have nothing better to do. Harassing celebrities just for the heck of getting their reactions. How can I forget that footage of Tom and Bill at a MacDonald's drive-through being harassed by a bunch of MEN with cameras. The twins were extremely polite given the situation. I didn't know whether the twins managed to get their food or not.

*Pic: Smiley Tom back in the days before the pressure of fame and crazy fandom turned to danger

The gas station incident immediately caught the media attention. It was quite suspicious to me as to how quick the TV crew got there. I wonder who were called first, the police or the TV people, knowing there was a hot scoop too sensational to pass. There were about four plus-size girls covering their faces there. Why would you want to conceal your indentity if you're the "victim" of a celebrity assault?

As I delved further into the story, it was further revealed that the girl in question belongs to a group of stalkers, a bunch of French girls who call themselves Le Afghans on Tour. The band's management claimed that the girls have been following the band for 6 months. Even moving to
an apartment on the same street with the boys. Somebody managed to capture their MySpace screenshot on cache. There was a slideshow with pictures of the girls with head scarves covering their hair and faces to cover their identities mimicking the way the Muslim girls cover themselves in Afghanistan. Thus, Le Afghans. Also, it's hard to ignore their greeting motto of giving "nightmares to everyone".

*Read about the "stalker gang" here at Tokio Hotel Network. Creepy stuff.

On a personal side, as a Muslim, I am highly offended by the use of Muslim image to engage in their insane activities. It's sad enough to me that Muslims are misrepresented as terrorists and now a bunch of people are taking advantage of the situation.


Then, there was also the chilling picture of the girls with face masks reminding one of serial killers normally depicted in movies. Furthermore, the girls even attacked the people close to the Kaulitz twins most notably their mother Simone. Then, threatening to attack their best friend. Also, sending letters with sentences "We are impatient..." and implied on giving more nightmares. Looking again at the MySpace screenshot, I wonder whether these girls are in fact Tokio Hotel haters instead of fans because they had embedded a video of the band with the title "Tokio Hotel - Wir sind scheisse" or "Tokio Hotel - We are shit". That makes the whole incident even more bizarre as to why would a bunch of haters take the hard work of moving to another country to where their objects of hate reside and spend all their money on making the hate objects' lives miserable?

After reading this, I believe that the CCTV incident wasn't just a spur of the moment but rather the outcome of a series of unpleasant events to Tom Kaulitz. How would you feel if the same people who attacked your mother, threatened your life and followed you around came to your car demanding for a photo? Tom threw out his cigarette to make her go away but she took it and pressed the stub out on his window. Given the ill-treatment he received, I'd say Tom's action was justified. In fact, it was still a lot that he held back as far as I'm concerned. To me, if somebody attacked my mother and dared to touch my car like that, that person would have received MORE than just a punch on the face.

I'm a woman and I'm against violence but so am I against mental abuse, provocation and harassment physically or sexually. Would I regard the Kaulitz twins case as sexual harassment? Yes, I would. They are being harassed by members of their opposite sex for being cute and pretty. It doesn't matter which gender perpetrates the act. Harassment is harassment. When the news first broke, a lot of people were highly critical of Tom. However, now it is clear that the young man acted out of a long series of provocation. The constant pressure finally made him snap. It's an amazement that he had withstand it all this long.

Leave this young man alone!

Tom's problem now is the possible charge of causing bodily injuries which carries a maximum penalty of 5 years. Sure, women have struggled for years to get to where we are today. However, in this case, I find it insulting that a woman can be allowed to be a loony and get away with it simply because she's a woman. Also, I do not support any law that allow a woman to stalk a person, invade his personal space, harass him endlessly, attacking his family and then send him to jail for protecting himself. All these simply because a woman is deemed as the weaker sex?

Now the TWO camps are pressing charges against each other. The stalker girl who got punched didn't want to accept a peace offering whereby the band asked her gang to stay away from the twins and their family. This is the new low for women all over the world! It's humiliating that a girl can be so boy-crazy that she willingly transform into a monster just so she can catch her object of lust. It's humiliating to me as a woman. Duh!

On a more positive note, let me say that, as a woman, I know how girls feel. When a girl looks at her favourite star, she would also look at the possibility of him being her real man. Him as her boyfriend. Him as her husband. Even to have his babies. Notice how fangirls tend to observe just about every aspect of her “man” from the way he laughs, the way he walks, every word he says and how he says it, his favourite food, his favourite colour, the car he drives, which brand of toothbrush he uses (if she can find out, she’d buy it!) etc. Ditto for the way he looks because we want to imagine how our future babies would look like.

However, our favourite rock stars are humans too. That’s where many girls blurr the line. Face it, would a guy fall for a girl who keeps on screaming for his attention and follows his every move? No. Guys are genetically pursuers. No matter what, he is highly likely to go for a girl he chooses to pursue. Even a fan. Guitarist Nuno Bettencourt technically married his own fan, singer Suze DeMarchi. I’m sure ALL three Hanson boys married their own fans too.

Who says a popular celeb wouldn’t approach a girl he likes? Sure, he can’t choose everybody who comes his way. Like the way we say it in my native tongue, he only has two arms and two legs. Multi-tasking can go only too far. The thing is, a guy, even a famous one, just wants someone who is just a normal human being and not sees only his outer shell. If you’re lucky enough to be in his circle and he still doesn’t go for you, then just accept it that it isn’t your fate. Just remember, being a lunatic would only shut yourself out and he’d rather lock you up and throw away the key into an ocean too deep to dive in.

As for me? I can only make wishes. Let the Almighty pick one :-)

Birthday, Chris DeGarmo and me

No. I have never met Chris DeGarmo.

If you thought this post would be about me and meeting a metal musician, then sorry to disappoint you. No, it's just something that's been going through my mind as another birthday came and the story of Chris makes me think deep at the moment about myself and the idea of making a turning point in one's life.

First of all, my birthday just went by on Friday uncelebrated. Only TWO people remembered. My former subordinate who NEVER forgets my birthday and a colleague who is technically my senior from the UK years. Thank God for the Internet. Thus, my birthday wishes at least expanded beyond a mere TWO-person-only demographic.

So, why suddenly Chris DeGarmo?


OK. As I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling on the night of my birthday after a draggy day at work, I was drawn to an old issue of Kerrang magazine from 1988 with a cover picture of Queensryche members i.e singer Geoff Tate and lead guitarist Chris DeGarmo. Flipped through to the feature inside where they talked about not chasing the dream down the commercial route and staying true to themselves and the music they believed in.

Queensryche is a band that one cannot really categorize in any particular genre. However, they were often described as the thinking man's metal band as opposed to many typical bands from the 80s who sang about rock n roll lifestyle, sex, fast cars etc. The band was not something you could easily sell to the public for quick megabucks. They were and still are the type who need to be believed in first to be marketable. Somebody sure did believe in them as they were managed by none other than Q Prime Management who also managed Metallica, Def leppard and Dokken.

Chris was one of the core members of the band. One of the main songwriters and the one responsible of penning the hauntingly beautiful Silent Lucidity, the song that finally catapulted the band to the major public.

Then, Chris left the band. From what I read, he wanted to pursue other interests outside Queensryche and was getting tired of 'having to tour with the band'. Not that he was having a rift with his bandmates because he did come back for a collaboration with them (Queensryche boys were far too matured to have catfights within the band unlike many others). He seemed to just didn't want that life anymore.

Let's see. He is now working full-time as a charter pilot. He's married with children and has settled down at his hometown of Seattle. He still does music here and there but it sounds to me like he's doing it more as a hobby now than the full-time career it once was. Looks like it's going to remain that way.



It got me thinking. What could really make a man take such a drastic turn in his life and left something he had been a part of for more than 15 years? The band was something he had worked on most of his young life. Step by step. Playing at many venues as an opening act supporting bigger bands. Got their first headlining tour in the UK in 1988. Received commercial success and appraisals for his masterpiece Silent Lucidity. Queensryche also wrote Real World, one of the better songs for the Last Action Hero soundtrack. Crappy movie. One of the best soundtracks ever. Who can ignore the metallized cover of Scarborough Fair? Hey, even their earlier song Queen of the Reich inspired German's power metal sons Helloween to get singer Michael Kiske to be their frontman, a decision that turned the band into a legend even Helloween themselves nowadays cannot match still.

Singer Geoff said that Chris felt 'stuck in a box'. To me, that was enough to explain it. I fully understand how it feels or at least from what I can decipher from it. You have worked hard ALL your life. You are moderately successful. Neither megastars nor unknown. Respected in exclusive circles of exclusive tastes. Then, the viscious cycle of the music biz struck and your carefully crafted music was suddenly not relevant to the market. You feel like you're going nowhere. You feel worn and burned out. Like there isn't much more you can give. It feels like whatever you put into it will only return in less than 10th of the input, if it returns at all.

Chris DeGarmo - The Pilot

Thankfully, Chris was in comfortable position financially. Also, he saw something else he could pursue. A more stable career which probably pays better than a music gig. I don't know but it could just be that Chris just wanted to settle down. Somewhere, at one point of a man's life, he felt it was time to leave life on the road so he could be with his family and have a normal life instead. To see his children grow. To be there for the loved ones. To shape their lives into a sure future. Unlike the uncertainty of the music biz.

So, what does all this have anything to do with me?

I reflected on Chris' life and felt at awe of this man. He dared to make a 180 degree turn from a life he had held on to far longer than my working years. Started something new and has since stayed contented and happy with that choice and he still gets to enjoy the other great passion of his. Music.

He has it all. A family. Stability. Careers. A great past. Still highly respected and missed by his fans.

I'm asking myself. As I turned another year older. Shouldn't this be a turning point for me? What do I have as something to fall back on? Like Chris did?

My biggest fear? To grow old lonely and to die alone.

Chris, from now on, if I feel stuck and lost, I'll think of you and the brave step you took.

I'm 35 today!

Things didn't go off on a good start.

Last night, I thought I wanted to try out my new oven ELBA 1912SS with 1200watt power. So, as it would be my birthday today, I decided to bake something for me. The Nestle Toll House Cookies. I delayed this since last weekend.

I knew having any new electrical equipment would be equivalent to setting a fire under any chair my father would sit on. As I guessed it, he came over and said how the oven would consume very high electricity.

I felt irritated and said "I'll pay for its electricity consumption!". I'm sick of having burnt cakes.

It's unfair. My brothers could play video games all day and night, have the fans running 24hrs coz they never bother turning it off so that they won't make another task of having to switch them back or watch the satellite TV all night till morning which I PAY btw yet they get away with it. My father never asked them even once to help pay the electricity bill of which they are the highest consumers in the house.

I don't mind paying for my consumption. After all, if I live on my own, I'd have to pay it anyway. However, I do wish everybody had the same conscience. Wishful thinking.

I'm 35 today. My wish is at least I'm allowed to have hobbies without an old man nagging me. If I were a burden in this house, I would be obliged to move out. I'm dreading thinking about moving to my tiny property at that location with neighbours from hell. One of which had stolen my dustbin.

Another bird leaves the nest?

I was quite surprised when my younger brother who had been living at home since he graduated last year bade me goodbye last night.

He would be leaving with another younger brother (Mr. Obedient) to the capital city to help out yet another younger brother (The Artist/Designer) with display work. Maybe temporarily. He sure packed light. Maybe it could lead to a permanent prospect. I don't know.

It's strange though. As annoying as it can be having brothers around sometimes, I began to miss him the moment he said he was leaving for the capital city.

Another bird leaves the nest.

My older brother might move out either this year or next year when construction of his government-aided little house is complete. How lonely this place would feel without my nephews.

Now, I'm starting to see myself more and more as Miss Loser-No-Money. The one with big dreams but never got around to realizing even one at all and stuck in a rut she calls her 'comfort zone'. Maybe she needs a big kick in her big lazy butt!

Look who I met in my dream last night.......Kai Hansen and Roland Grapow :-)

Yes, I did! Yeah!!!!

I saw guitarists Kai Hansen and Roland Grapow :-D

........in my dream last night :-D

Now, let's talk a bit about how I knew them musically. I was about 14 when I first heard Helloween's music. Thanks to my uncle. That was during the Keeper's days.

Then, after the live album, I noticed that the name of one guitarist had changed. That's when Roland came in. Even back then, I had always felt that he would be the one who'd survive the best on his own. I felt that he was the most versatile musician out of all of them. Well, he's proven me right!

It's been a while since I last saw any musicians in my dream. I thought I had lost that 'touch'. I used to see anyone I wanted easily in my sleep back when I was a schoolgirl. Not much talking. My spoken English wasn't up to scratch at the time. Just loads of smiles and gentle warm hugs ;-)

OMG. Things that I dream about nowadays are dumb. My job has been creeping into my sleep like a plague I haven't found the cure for. I mean, I dream about being scolded by my former boss when he was still working here. I dream about having meetings with people at work. I dream about people in meetings walking out on me when I started throwing tantrums for being disrespected.

Even my colleagues laughed about it when I told them the other day.

So, back to Kai and Roland. We were in a huge warehouse for a store selling industrial machinery and steel products. God knows why we were all there, of all places :-I

Now, this is the proof that my job really has been creeping into my sleep. Instead of running to them the way I used to in my younger days like a child seeing a cookies' jar, I did not. I was actually more interested in the machinery. In my dream!!

Aren't dreams supposed to be the place where we can be and do something we can't or normally won't when we're awake? What's happening?

Reality hit me again. Oh dear. My priorities must have changed nowadays. OMG, I really am getting old, am I not?

My Cookies Weekend turned into a Bag Lady weekend :-(

I had a plan for the whole of last week. I would try baking the Nestle Original Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies.

The plan didn't materialize sadly. As my mother's countertop was so over the top with piles and piles of plastic containers, a used-maybe-3-times-a-year fruit blender, a stand mixer with rusty attachments, plastic bags, kitchen rags and small half-opened bags of different types of flour. It was madness!

I had to stand on my feet the whole of Saturday afternoon taking everything away, washing and cleaning the containers. Getting rid of the stale contents inside them. Relocated and rearranged them at another spot that had similarly been piled by everybody with God knows what. Had
to clean up that area too. Ignorant people in the house actually prefer to leave a rotten egg reeking in that spot waiting for someone with a common sense to clean things up.

On Friday, you couldn't see the countertop at all! I cleaned it up to this. Got rid of the nightmare.

Rearranged my mum's mini pantry. I remember the old days before she fell sick. Everything in the kitchen had its place. She used to be that kind of woman. Not as efficient and organised as my maternal grandmother but her kitchen was never messy. Then, she got sick and everything fell apart. My siblings were too little at the time. Left 'untrained' on household disciplinary control.

I miss those days when I was little. I knew where my mother's home-made jams were. The cookies she made for me. The spices. The instant noodles packets she kept in the basket my father hung from the low ceiling. The kitchen was old and falling apart in some places but it was cozy and cheery.

Look at the labelling I did. I cut out the printing from the plastic bags and stuck them on the containers with cellophane tape. Easy!

My cleaning continued till Sunday afternoon. Afterwards, my legs ached and thank God one of my brother - the Obedient One came home. So, I handed him the task to take the trash in the black bag to the collection bin about 2km away.............driving my car of course.